Sunday, August 16, 2009

Bobbo-Rant, Vol 1: Vegetarianism

[Disclaimer: The opinions of Bobby Gibbs do not necessarily reflect the opinions of ‘name’ collectively or their associates.]

Hey fucktards! This will be the first of many rants from yours truly. I’ll cover many subjects over time, but as you could see from the title, the main focus of this rant is (pro)-vegetarianism. If you’re rolling your eyes right now, eat 3 dicks. If you’re down to hear me out, sweet. Today I’m gonna debunk some irritating myths just to get em out of the way, so here ya go. (Note: I’m always going back and fourth between Vegetarianism and Veganism for various reasons, but for the sake of the following arguments I will address all of these myths from a Vegan perspective)

Myth 1: Protein Deficiency

There is no such thing. Look into it. And look at me. You can tell I work out. You wouldn’t be able to tell if I wasn’t getting enough protein. Cause I’d be hella skinny and wouldn’t be able to flex my boobs at people like a total douche. But let’s get into the science of shit. Protein consists of different combinations of these things called amino acids. There are 20 total. There are 11 that the body doesn’t need from outside sources because we naturally produce them. The 9 that you DO need are known as “essential amino acids.” Most plant-based foods contain combinations of at least several of these, and you can effortlessly mix and match foods to get what you need. When a food contains all 9 essential amino acids it is known as a “complete protein.” Soy and hemp are both complete proteins. If you eat tofu, different types of beans, rice, nuts, grains, you know, important shit that you should be eating regardless of your “dietary status,” then you are getting an abundance of essential amino acids.

On the other side of the coin, there IS such thing as getting TOO MUCH protein. I’ve read in a lot of bodybuilding magazines and heard from personal trainers who have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about that the average adult needs about 1.5 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight. Maybe if you’re shooting massive amounts of Dianabol (an anabolic steroid with the primary function of dramatically enhancing protein-synthesis). Either way, enjoy liver failure. Whatever proteins your body can’t use get broken down no differently than alcohol. FUCKS yo shit UP. If you don’t lift weights, your body needs, on average, 50-60 grams a day. You get that NO PROBLEM on a vegan diet and especially on a vegetarian diet. A vegetarian who consumes dairy and eggs gets all the same shit that meat-eaters do but in more reasonable amounts. There is not one nutrient in meat that you can’t get from dairy or eggs. But I’m currently vegan and still get everything I need (without supplementation), so eat another dick.

Myth 2: “It’s better to eat animals, because plants are better for the environment.”

I’ve heard this more than a few times, and the stupidity of this argument runs so deep that it actually hurts my balls to think about.

Yes. Plants are amazing for the environment. Yes, livestock is horrible for the environment. Now let me pretend for a moment that you’re all fucktarded and remind you that the meat industry is just that: an industry. (This goes for the plant industry as well) There’s also this crazy concept known as “supply and demand.” Now, if you eat a plant, the individual(s) responsible for manufacturing that plant will see that you are demanding said plant, so they will make even more of that plant due to a raise in demand. So ultimately, the more plants you eat, the more plants will exist. The same goes for the meat industry. The more cows you eat, the more cows the farmers will force-breed, so the more methane-shitting cows ultimately exist. And here’s a fun fact, it requires a fuckload more land to keep livestock than it does to grow crops. They have mowed down millions of acres of rainforest to make room for those cows, and the more you demand the more wildlife they will destroy to make room for the extra livestock you’re demanding. So in conclusion, the more animals you eat, the more animals exist, the less plant-life exists, and the more fucked our environment becomes. That’s why it’s considered “green” to be a vegetarian. According to the U.N., we’d be better off getting rid of the meat industry as a whole and giving everyone an SUV.

Myth 3: “Vegetarians have horrible gas.”

Just hang out with us for a day. I definitely burp a lot cause I drink way too much beer and soda, but I’m not much of a farter. Come to think of it, neither is Wes. He’s a vegetarian. The guy with BY FAR the worst gas? Well I won’t say who, but he’s a meat-eater. Is there a pattern here? Probably not. If you’re gassy you’re gassy, regardless.

Myth 4: Canines

Yup. We have canines. So do deer, horses, camels, gorillas, and other herbivores. Infact our whole mouths are absurdly similar to all of those animals. Omnivores, like dogs and pigs, have much sharper canines and an entirely different tooth/jaw set-up. So why don’t you try that shit on and see how it fits.

(Note: I’m not saying that this point ends the whole omnivore/herbivore discussion, I’m merely pointing out that particularly the “tooth argument” is a shitty argument and actually works against the “omnivore” side of the debate.)

Myth 5: “You shouldn’t talk, cause you kill plants.”

Amazing. So life is life regardless of infinitesimal little things like brains and a central nervous system. The act of ripping the face off of a cow while his legs still kick should be considered morally equivalent to mowing your lawn…..amazing…..

Guys, any research regarding plants “responding” to shit has been abandoned. There is ZERO conclusive research supporting that they can feel or comprehend a damn thing. They are inarguably unaware of their own existence, same with things like bacteria. Life does not automatically equal sentience.

Animals, particularly mammals, reptiles and birds, are aware. They have relationships with each other and can even have real relationships with human beings. Dogs and cats are not special. Cows, pigs and even chickens are just as if not MORE significant, cognitively, than common domestic animals. This is backed by science, but you wouldn’t need that if you were to meet one of these animals.

And even if they defied logic and were to somehow prove inescapably that plants ARE sentient, that wouldn’t stop me from consuming them. Why? Because while I do value the life of all sentient creatures and will continue to protest the UNNECISSARY harm of these creatures, humans still come first with me. This is why I’ve been known to be pretty wishy-washy regarding the subject of animal testing for medical research. The concept of death and suffering is rotten, no matter what species we’re talking about. But if one of us HAS to suffer, I’ll go with killing a lab rat to save the life of a little boy dying of cancer.

Consuming plant-life IS necessary for human survival. Consuming other animals is not. If an animal’s suffering is going toward the greater good that is human preservation, I’ll agree with it. But short of that, I strongly protest it. Suffering should not be wasted. Burgers are a pretty big fucking waste.

Myth 6: “Stop forcing your beliefs on me!!”

I’m not. You came to me. Bitch.

Guys if you’re a meat-eater I don’t hate you. It’s been part of our culture forever. I get that. Most of the people I would die for (or kill an animal to save) are meat-eaters. So basically, if you don’t wanna hear about it in person, just don’t ask about it. There’s plenty of other awesome shit to talk about. Like…..pussy farts…. I’m not gonna slap a burger out of your hand if you eat one in front of me. If you’re curious about vegetarianism or have questions, I’m totally down to answer it without being a douche. If you’re gonna be an asshat and make some kind of condescending, declarative statement regarding vegetarianism being wrong or stupid, I will fuck your mother. TWO times. And I can. The cougars love me.

Anyways, that’s all I got for now. I recommend you stop being such a faget. I love you, and I don’t play golf.

-Bobbo the Carpathian


Kerry said...

go vegan or fall down some stairs, you bitches

Billy said...


I'm convinced.

Rebec said...

let's make out.

Adamski said...

your science is flawed in several places.

firstly, it has been shown that plants can 'feel'.

secondly, there is clearly such thing as a protein deficiency.

i sure hope peta2 reproduce this, it will make them even more of a laughing stock.

David said...

Clearly Protein deficiency does exist! Thats utter rubbish. Just look at developing countries. Protein Energy Malnutrition effects 500 million people a year, and kills 10 million. So yes, whilst your science on essential amino acids may be accurate, I completely disagree on Protein Deficiency not existing, you clearly have no evidence to substantiate that claim.

short said...

i agreed with everything you ve said, but animal testing IS wrong. not just because animal suffer maybe even more than others do in meat or dairy industry. those drugs that are safe for some animals react differently on humans. so there s no reason for doing that. this is 21st century and we have technology for this kinda stuff.

Sinceregoodbye said...

Bobby, you rule.
Anyone who disagrees dies.
Enough said. :)